Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
