Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize