hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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