He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
