Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
