we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
