She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
