I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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