Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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