wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
