If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
