are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize