hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
