I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
