i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
