no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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