i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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