dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
