I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
