so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize