I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize