i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize