my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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