I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
