Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
