the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your cock deserves a montage
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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