i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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