Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
