Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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