Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
