Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
