Cold hands, warm shart.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
