I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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