we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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