That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
