I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
