he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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