I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
