if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
