So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I will pee on everything he values.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i think im in europe. pls send help
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
