Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
