dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
