Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
