No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
