drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
