dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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