well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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