Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
