Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
