My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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