You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
