he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
