apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
