So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
