Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
