I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
