no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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