i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize