What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
