do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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