I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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