another moral hangover. fuck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize