you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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