Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
