Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize