He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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