My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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