It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
