Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
