In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize