i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize