why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you will always have a special place in my vag
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
