He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
