His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
